LadyLorrean

The selfishness gnaws The guilt suffocates The grief rips the soul The questions circle the mind The confusion crowds The anger burns The self-hatred mutilates The salty tears sting The clotted spit chokes The snot drips The self-doubt consumes The emptiness is so hallow When the end begins

Just as the pillow touched my head, my old man threw up on the bed. He threw up on the sheets, he threw up on the floor, and walking to the bathroom was too much of a chore. The smell was so atrocious, all stomach acid and booze, that I had to leave the room, for throw up myself that would be my doom. I pass him the tissue. Then, while plugging my nose, flush the puke goodbye and down the toilet it goes. But as I come back to the room I think to myself Why? because as I placed the bowl on the ground the old man rolled over and threw up on the other side. So with my sheets wet and smelly, and the old man on his belly, I hea

A Note to Myself Wake me up when December ends Wake me up when my heart is on the mend Wake me when this abject loneliness has lessened Hide me from the doubt and pain Hide me from this icy rain that rips at my being Hide me from the loss of my good friend Hide me from the wounds now open and bleeding Protect me from my fragile heart Protect my innocent, childish dreams Protect what is the essence of me Help me throw away the bitterness Help me dry my tears Help me find what I have been missing all of these years Help me through to the me they see in you Wake me up when this darkness no longer lurks in my mind Wake me up when the doubt had ru

Ahhh!! Ahhh!! The pain inside… it makes me want to hide… I can't run to escape… I can't imagine it away… I don't want to feel it… I don't want it to be real… I want it to end, I want it to be… the way it was before… the way it has never been… I am lost in the sea of my emotions, Drowning… with nothing to hold on to. the guilt gnaws at me like vermin at rotting fruit. No fairy tale ending for me… just a house with no family. Rooms filled with STUFF but you know that is not enough… I can't deal with my thoughts… they don't match my memories. What I thought once was

Soft beats drum, smooth hips sway, I come undone when she glances my way. Her eyes sparkle secretively. Her smile dims the lights, as her feet follow the beat and her hands tell the story. I can't look away. I cannot not see how beautiful and flawless she is dancing center stage. When I close my eyes she is all I see. An image engraved in my mind and I wish that she were dancing for me.

People say she is pretty but they don't know the truth the wicked that is inside her the thoughts sickly sweet like vermouth They think that she is kind but they cannot give ear to the temptations whispered in her mind hidden so no one but she can hear. They are surprised by her sincerity her passion and her knowledge because at first all they see is her body with the curves found in a feminine parts catalogues. They cannot feel her heart beat quicken and pulled by tantalizing and forbidden strings. They do no t know of this breast that lives in the dark corners of her mind and deep in her soul. It make her hate herself in m

ARE you… strong enough to keep my pain? strong enough to stifle my rage? strong enough to encase my typhoon of tears? AM I… too weak to smile at you? too weak to keep you happy? too weak to make you see… that I… am too weak to be me.